


Watch Me Disappear

by DefaltManifesto



Series: 30 Day Song Lyric Challenge [21]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: Bisexual!Tanith, Bisexuality, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Lesbian!Sigrun, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 07:20:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13095183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: Tanith hates being in love.





	Watch Me Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> This is another fic I was super excited to write. I didn't know what I was going to do until last night and I just. Love these two?? So much? I want to write a longer fic for them in the future...
> 
> Today's fic was based on the following lyric from Liability by Lorde:
> 
> "You're a little much for me/you're a liability/you're a little much for me"
> 
> Title from the same song

The first person Tanith dates is a man, which if you ask Marcia was her first mistake. He’s a knight and he’s good at heaping on praise but quick to flee when duty calls and his lack of a spine makes Tanith decide he’s not worth pursuing.

 

-.-

 

The next time she pursues love it’s with Oscar of the Greil Mercenaries. He’s everything the other man wasn’t. He’s patient, kind, and most importantly loyal. Tanith doesn’t care much if people were loyal to her, so long as they were loyal to something and Oscar had the in spades. He’s all the first person she genuinely falls in love with.

But it’s hard when he’s a mercenary constantly on the move and she’s a deputy commander of the Holy Guard. They’re able to steal moments together when his job brings him close and it’s always intense in a way that takes her breath away and leaves them both worn out. The last time they’re together, Oscar is frowning as he dresses.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

Oscar won’t look at her. “It’s a little much, don’t you think? Being so far apart and coming together like this for only a few hours. It’s like emotional whiplash.”

Tanith knows enough to know when she’s being broken up with. She kisses him goodbye and promises to write.

 

-.-

 

The next is a woman, a commander in the main army. Her name is Sara and shields axes and lances like they’re extensions of her body and they train together as often as they fuck. She’s different in that she doesn’t let Tanith have control easily. Each fuck is a verbal spat and it’s almost like hate sex except after they cuddle and talk about their lives. It’s a weird dynamic but Tanith loves it.

She loves how Sara’s red hair fans out across the pillow when she pins her hands above her head. She loves how her fingernails leave marks in Tanith’s thighs when she eats her out and how she gasps Tanith’s name with a reverence best used for the Goddess. For the first time in years, Tanith feels wanted and loved and desired. Sara holds her when they talk. She relaxes for the first time in someone else’s arms and is honest when she hadn’t been. Tanith’s never been in love before but if this is it, this is great.

           

-.-

 

Sara breaks up with her right after Daein regains its freedom from the Begnion occupation. It’s a turbulent time. Tanith knows she participated in some of the fighting and can’t help but wonder if there’s something else going on that’s just stressing her out. She stops caring by the time Sara’s done talking.

“It’s just…you love me,” Sara says as she finishes pulling on her clothes. “It’s a little much.”

“What do you mean?” Tanith asks, pulling the sheets up around her chest. She’s never felt vulnerable naked before but now…

Sara rolls her eyes as she ties her hair up in a quick ponytail. “I mean I’m not in love with you. I never have been and it’s weird to keep fucking someone when they love you.”

“I’d say that’s the perfect reason,” Tanith says, mostly to herself.

Sara shrugs. “Maybe for most people.”

Tanith hates being in love.

 

-.-

 

After that, it’s a string of women and men, none of who Tanith cares to remember. She adopts Sara’s approach. She’s not as cruel though – she doesn’t stick around long enough for anyone to get attached. It’s a policy of hers to stay out of the Holy Guard. She has a reputation to maintain after all. Word still gets around though. She may be known for her skill as a deputy commander, and her cold-hearted attitude towards her unit as she drills them ruthlessly to make sure they’re always at their peak performance, but she becomes known for the same thing in her personal life.

It solidifies the image people have of her.

She doesn’t let those in her squad get close for fear of losing them in a battle and she doesn’t let those who warm her bed get close for fear of losing them to time or losing them to being used. It’s lonely, but she knows loneliness.

 

-.-

 

And then the world is turned to stone and she and Sigrun are the only ones left of the Holy Guard standing between Sanaki and the Senate.

It really puts things in perspective.

 

-.-

 

"I’m worried about you.”

Tanith looks up from the fire, frowning as Sigrun sits beside her. They’re both still fully suited with their swords at their hips and lances a few paces away. No one gets to let their guard down anymore.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Tanith says.

“Maybe not,” Sigrun says. She brushes a lock of hair out of Tanith’s eyes. “You’re so driven and seeing you these last few weeks…I worry that you don’t think about yourself enough.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Sigrun gives a sad smile. “I know…” She leans forward and presses a kiss to Tanith’s forehead. “But I’ll be here when you do.”

Tanith watches as she leaves. Sigrun and her weren’t close, but she was the closest thing Tanith had to a friend. To family. She stares into the fire and wonders what Sigrun could possibly have meant.

 

-.-

 

Tanith almost dies taking an four arrows meant for Sanaki. She clings to Sigrun’s hand as Micaiah works on her wounds and the wind blows sand across them all. It hurts more than Tanith thought it would. She’s taken more than a few hits but these damned servants of the Goddess have flawless accuracy.

"Almost there,” Sigrun says. “You can get through this. You’re too much for wounds like these to take you down.”

Tanith laughs hysterically and hopes she can brush it off as nerves if she survives.

 

-.-

 

“I get what you mean,” Tanith says a few days later.

They’re circling the air above their troop. The only other one to fly is Haar and he’s napping again and even if he weren’t, he’s far enough away Tanith isn’t concerned about being overheard.

“Hm?” Sigrun asks, guiding her mount closer.

“I don’t take care of myself,” Tanith says. “But it’s not my duty to. My duty is to the apostle. To the Empress.”

“As is mine,” Sigrun says. “But that doesn’t mean you have to spend your life in seclusion.”

“Of course I do,” Tanith says. “What I do, how I feel about Sanaki and those I care about…it’s too much for anyone to deal with.”

“And who told you that?”

Tanith doesn’t answer.

 

-.-

 

Sigrun kisses her when they finally get home. They’re alive, somehow, and this wasn’t just a war this was a fight for humanity. On some level she knows this is a mistake and that one day, Sigrun will wake up and think she’s too much to deal with, but she throws herself into it anyways.

Sigrun’s an attentive lover. She works Tanith over with her mouth and fingers, brings her to the edge only to ease her back down. By the time Tanith finally comes, she’s almost in tears. The next morning, she’s surprised to find Sigrun pressed up along her back, arm curled protectively over her stomach. Her fingers trace small designs on her skin. They slide down between her legs and Tanith succumbs to the pleasure, desperate to let the charade continue for as long as she can.

 

-.-

 

Sigrun doesn’t leave. Tanith keeps waiting for her to cut if off but as the world recovers from its ordeal, as Begnion comes to terms with its bone deep corruption, as treaties are brokered and accepted, Sigrun stays in her bed and her life. They wake up tangled in each other’s arms. Sigrun does the cooking and Tanith handles the cleaning. They train the new recruits.

And Sigrun doesn’t leave.

 

-.-

 

“When does it end?” Tanith asks.

“When does what end?” Sigrun asks against the back of her neck, voice muzzy from sleep. Dawn is starting to creep in through their window.

“This. Us.”

Sigrun sighs and pulls away as she stretches. “I have no intention of ending this.”

“But I-“

“I love you,” Sigrun says. She shifts to straddle Tanith, her long teal hair sliding down to curtain around them as she stares into Tanith’s eyes. “I love you, Tanith, and your passion, and your drive, and your ambition. Whoever came before me…they were too little. You’re exactly what I want.”

Tanith closes her eyes. “I don’t know how to trust you.”

“I know,” Sigrun says. She kisses Tanith’s forehead. It’s developed into a habit of hers. “But I don’t mind teaching you.”

“I love you,” Tanith says, looking up at her. “Even if I have trouble believing that you’ll stay.”

Sigrun smiles. “I can work with that.”


End file.
